one shot more

Ive been thinking about choices recently....how there are far too many....
We always want more options...but we can only have a few,sometimes only 1 from all those options...so the more options we have the harder it is to choose just one!
We have more choices as we get older...
the choice of what outfit to put on this morning...hair colour...how we behave....what GCSEs to pick....and most importantly...who to date.
Some people are lucky and only get the one choice that comes along at the right time...some people can narrow it down easily by just how fit they are and their personality...some people are un lucky and get more than 1 or 2 choices that are all highly tempting....ppl with few choices complain about little choice...ppl with alot of choices complain of too many!
The grass is always greener on the other side.
And its at this stage in our lives where we're trying everything...different styles...different life styles...different hair colours!!! But often, we'll find...that we had it right the first time.
And sometimes we learn not to do some things the hard way.
I'm exploring my horizons...maybe i will never stop exploring, after all life is just one big adventure...
elle
xXx

Current Mood: drunk

being drunk is hard. espescially when ur computers drunk too.
I'm kinda seeing mark in a 'nothings final' way...
Ben kit pye me n lulu had the best time to night...
fireworks....dye my hair brown ish red mcnoodle...
pye told me he fancies me....:):)..but mark is...o i dunno...If i go out with mark i will never get another chance with pye....if i go out with pye I'll give up something i really want...pye seemed pretty serious tonight...he kept asking me if i was drunk yet...then he told me...but he's probably just messing...which means i have nothing to worry about...
Liam...I'm sorry...friends forever...the way it should be...
lol gotats..i cant spell...
mmm...mark satyed in my bed with me last night...freya slept oin the floor...mark kept me awake until 3 in the morning and we kissed and cuddled and it was lovely....
he woke me up at 7!

whats a gumbo, whats linguini....what the fucks a jumbalya?

and there was another phrase i was going to share with you...but i forgot it...

Current Mood: loved
Current Music: the stuff the tramp was playing in the street...

I would wear my arm on my sleeve for you because it just fits.

In IT again. I write nin in this lesson far too much. Well there's nothing better to do. Hair going grey!! Calum helpfully pointed out.
Going to this party on Friday. Its gonna be so good. Mark is gonna tell me something that could end up being trey important!!!
Liam...hmmmm...
Had a dream about remy last night. It was kinda weird. He came back and we couldn't like deal with eachother. I mean don't get me wrong we wanted to and we loved eachother but everyone around was always there and making it so hard to understand eachother.
Mr Malpass talks about really random things. No one cares!
Andy wrote some lyrical business last night. I have to rearrang it a bit and make it fit.
But it's good stuff.
Freya's making a new live journal. _pinkblood
check it out if u get bored.
today really sucks lesson wise.

Current Mood: giggly
Current Music: Incepit...sadly

In business studies. He giving us books. Like I'll ever use it!
not much to do.
Nothing's happened today so far.
Hmmmm...
Did i mention we had a song writing session yesterday. We're having one again today. We've got a really good song on the way.
hmmmm....again...

well I'm off cos this is gay.
bi

Current Mood: bored
Current Music: ours

I was so dam excited about tonight and it wasn't really that good!

I died my hair with lulu and it came out blue! It looks so bad!
Got stoned at the station at about 3pm with pye AJ kit Adam Becky geary and andy c.
Together we payed £18 for beer and rob found it funny to get non alcoholic becks. Cos he's so cool.
Ran in to kerri chloe james O and jeminger. Trouble.
I wonder if Liam will still like me with silly hair?
I hope so.
Hmmm...remy.
We'll see.

"Be Bold, Be Naked"

Current Mood: thoughtful
Current Music: Less than Jake

i talk to remy alot these days. I don't know whether its good or bad because Ive become alot more depressed now. It could just be too much donnie darko. But i love that film, even if it does make me suicidle. lol. Plus jake gyllenhaal is SO fit!

Liam's still acting funny towards me. I don't know if i still care. My whole life has totally changed right in front of my eyes and i can't stop it and I don't think I'm ready for this change.

Clio's birthday soon. I don't know whether to get her a present or not...

Nirvana are so good.

I'm thinking about quiting the band. It's just means I put myself under alot more pressure to write something good. And we don't really put much effort in to it.

Time always seems to be running out towards something recently. tic toc tic toc. (that is so much fun to write!)

Heard the new gwen stifani song last night. It's really good.

What are you waiting for? take a chance you stupid hoe!

| A belly's not a belly unless it sounds like one |

Current Mood: scared
Current Music: nirvana,wishkah

Hey after my last update i checked my e-mails and there was one from remy. Can't say what it said but it was really bad news. I've cried at least 3 timaes a day since then. Ok so it's only been two days but it's a big deal.
Smoked again today. But I've cut down alot and it's getting less and less these days.
I really hope remy gets better. All I wanted is for him to have a good happy life without me. But ooo no. And now I just want him here where he belongs. I don't even care if he goes off with kerri again just as long as he's happy.

Watching School of Rock. Greatest film ever.

Band practice tomorrow.

It's better to burn out than to fade away.

Current Mood: okay
Current Music: Nirvana

In I.t. again. Mr. Malpass is swooping and not in a good mood so i gotta be careful. Clio keeps givin me evils again. I choose to ignore it. She'll get over it eventually. And she's spending all her lessons with Miss murzell, and her break time too. I hate to think that she feels I'm ruining her life. Cos I'm actually not doing anything! To be perfectly honest I'm actually doiing fuck all. She just feels like I'm bullying her. Well Whatever. it's her life and her deciscion to make.
So anyways, not doing anything but the funniest conversation with macky last night. Not really important but it carcked me up. I'll tell u later.
Liam charlie or anyone else who hasn't actually got my permission to read this, don't bother reading it anymore. It's my life get ur own. Oh Tom u can read it.
erm...been speaking to alice. Not about much apart from like how our lives have changed from the chilled out lifestyle of the summer. We're such losers.
Mr Malpass is speaking spanish badly. I win!
oo angry monkey!

I have a cold sense of humour.

love elle
xXx

Current Mood: cranky
Current Music: nirvana

Have I done something wrong. actually? Cos everything is just not working right now. I actually thought that for the first time since like before regatta things might actually work out ok. But OOOoo no! you just had to go and decide u don't like me one bit.

And god opoened up the heavens and said 'elle, I hate you!'

I've fucked things up with Remy AND Tom AND MAcky And Charlie AND Liam and fucking any and everyone. There is possibly the least amount of hope for this case than anything in the world. And macky sed he liked me but wouldn't go out with me but would do stuff with me and spend time with me. OK 1) what's the difference? We might as well be going out! And 2) does everyone see me like that? Like some kind of slut that they can just "do stuff with".

I must've really screwed up somewhere down the line. Right I'm gonna go back and find out from every boy that I've been out with what it was that made them go off me or dislike me.

Love elle
xXx

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: Nirvana

Someone who Ive always kinda liked has just told me they like me. This always FUCKING HAPPENS!! Just as i finally get round to something i really want, something else comes along and distracts me!!

SHUT UP!!!!

ok...so there's this guy. and I've liked him for quite a while now but...never really enough to do anything about it. Cos i knew if i rushed it I'd change my mind and ruin it totally. So Ive waited and gone out with other people and the feelings have grown stringer and stronger but so very slowly and it got to the point where i was starting to think I'd never like him enough. But now....i'm getting really close. And I kinda think he likes me back but...I'm not sure. So do I make the first move or do i wait cos chances are he'll lose interest plus I REALLY want him.
I actually can't stop thinking about him. It's getting rediculous
He's come ojnline now so I'm gonna go.
oo yeh oo oo oo yeh!
love elle

Current Mood: pleased
Current Music: chili peppers

Really needing some inspiration right now! I have nothing to write about. Far too many songs have been written about remy, and I don't particularly feel anything for him anymore. I've already written a song about charlie and that wasn't that good. He's poor inspiration. No offence charlie. (lol wendy).
I tried writing about Macky but I gave up...that was last winter. He's just doesn't touch my emotions like at all! I've written about Mike who I don't even know, I've written about life, Ive written about superman!!!!! There is nothing left for me to write about!! I've even written about how tired I am!!
oo, now I'm gonna make bloke feel like a poor live journal writer and write a poem in mine. Everyone's heard it but...no1 really understands it enough.
Tree

When I'm sitting in a tree with nothing good to do,
With nothing good to think of,
that's when I'll think of you.
And when I'm sitting in that tree, then and only then,
When you come to mind, I'll cry for you again.
We put eachother through alot,
It wasn't worth the pain.
And in far too many rivers,
my tears have been the rain.
I don't love you anymore,
and won't again you see,
and the only time I'll think of you,
is when I'm in that tree.
But no I will not think of you,
And waste my time again,
I'll find some time worth wasting,
and think about it then.
When I'm sitting in a tree,
with nothing good to do,
with nthing good to think of,
that's when I'll think of you.

Man it's longer than I remember. I wonder if remy reads this. Doubt it. lol.
I hope he's ok in Japan. He ses he's bored but...he could just be attention seeking. Or trying to make me feel better. Well Whatever, I'm gonna go rescue him some year.

Animal Magic.

Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Red Hot Chili Peppers

I'm in I.T. with Mr. Malpass and was just on scamptabulous when i stumbled upon a link to someone's livejournal. And thought...FANTASTIC! 2 of my favourite things to do on the internet are connected! So then i came on to mine to update randomly. We're doing a heart disection this afternoon in science.
Mr Malpass keeps swoopng.
Man he will not leave my side of the room!!!
Any ways, Freya just managed to get who i fancy out of me! Embarrassment to the extreme. I told Pinder yesterday and lulu this morning and now freya. And the guy in tescos knows because I had a huge spas about in yesterday when we were buying foooooooooooood.
HAHAHAHAHA!! Freya just found pictiures on bloke's live journal of tash being a porn star. It's so funny. And Emily is being her usual random self! Rugby match after school. Going to that.
Man we were just remembering the FRIDAY that me n freya n remy n mark stevens and a whole loada other ppl got totally drunk and it was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny.
There is nothing to do but write in this class.
What's FFT? If you know can u please tell me in a comment. Would be appreciated.

Ahh he's coming again!

Calum's watching. Weirdo.

Emily james (little one) just told me there are over 400 million numbers in pie. I thought there was just apple.

I have a sad sense of humour. Anyways there's about 5 minutes left of the lesson. finishing up now.

Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: Blink

Today at skool was ok.
I love joshy boy woody.
OOOO in Art Joe drew this AMAZING picture of me and i drew an OK picture of the chillis.
Listening to them now. Which is weird cos recently Ive been listening to alot of rock culture. Iggy pop, Zepplin....oasis. All very uninspiring which is dissapointing cos I was told to write songs for the band. I haven't writen a decent song in weeks! Any suggestions welcome, ideas in the comments box please!

playing truth or dare with pinder. Just asked out Tomd and he asked out emily james. It's so funny!

Wrote a xmas card to charlie today with alice.
shit i was just about to say who i fancy but remembered that everyone reads this.
lol

I have a poor sense of humour.

blink on febuary 6th

Bloke's right. I do have nothing to write about. I'm such a loser.

hi charlie.

Current Mood: amused
Current Music: legends

Told you it wouldn't last.
Got more mail from remy today.
had a dream abut him last night. And the night before had a dream that I was stoned and made up with charlie who resembled joshy boy s. And the night before that I dreamt i cut out charlie's heart and and treid to get it back to him but it broke just as i was handing it over and i was sad.

ali n chaz fancy eachother. ooo u8 don't know, me n chaz went out for two weeks about two weeks agon then he got clio to dump me for him and it errupted in this huge argument that resulted in me n charlie hating eachother and don't even get me started on clio!

current ppl i like and yes i can list them : ali freya lulu (that's the girls)
Current ppl I don't like who r boys and yes i can list them: hmmmm...no1 actually.

cool.

the band is making no prgress.

that rox with a capital W-R-O-K!

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: blink

Told you it wouldn't last.
Got more mail from remy today.
had a dream abut him last night. And the night before had a dream that I was stoned and made up with charlie who resembled joshy boy s. And the night before that I dreamt i cut out charlie's heart and and treid to get it back to him but it broke just as i was handing it over and i was sad.

ali n chaz fancy eachother. ooo u8 don't know, me n chaz went out for two weeks about two weeks agon then he got clio to dump me for him and it errupted in this huge argument that resulted in me n charlie hating eachother and don't even get me started on clio!

current ppl i like and yes i can list them : ali freya lulu (that's the girls)
Current ppl I don't like who r boys and yes i can list them: hmmmm...no1 actually.

cool.

the band is making no prgress.

that rox with a capital W-R-O-K!

Current Mood: annoyed
Current Music: blink

I am being so good about writing in recently.
it won't last.

Got mail from eskimo jones today.(rembo,remski,moolman...remy)
I was so happy. It cleared up everything that shud've been cleared up a long time ago. bloke wasn't lieing either. Remy did say look after me. WOOOO. it's all cool. We're mates again. :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D Happiest girl in the world here.

But seriously how are you these days? You're so quiet you hardly ever talk.

i have a cold personaly.

O I love my life.

oo my sister got 1 a 5 bs n 5 cs in her gcses.
Big up her!

love always...elle xXx

Current Mood: high
Current Music: soul

It feels good. Life is totally moving on. And though there are people i remember and always will, I love life more than shadows of the past. Life is alive, shadows....scare me. lol. And even though life isn't perfect, even though I've lost the person I love the most...it's all worth it.

Tom's just told me that remy's read this. :D thats all i wanna know. That at least once he's cared enough to wanna know about my life.

life is having friends. life is being happy. life is having people who care. life is caring for people. life is living. life is...just fine.

just to let u know remy if u do read this.
I may have changed but...I'm here. I've always been here....just waiting for you to find me.

WOOOOOOOOO!! Year ten in a week n a bit and I can feel us all growing up and it's just going to be one non stop party and I'm gonna work hard (believe it or not) and I'm gonna live love and be free!!!!

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: nostalgic tunes the good stuff

Woodlands was the best week of my life. but it was so long ago!!

His last day came and went...just like he did.

Italy was rubbish. So boring. I cried once for him as the plane started to move because it was then that there was no turning back. No running away. I was facing it for real and it scared me.

Boys: Me and Tom for a short while but then I lost interest and he soon followed suit.
Me and charlie and Alice. Alice fancies charlie, charlie fancies , me and I fancy...alice!! Jokes. I fancy Lord chilli.(charlie) but he's gone away to barbados for two weeks god dam!
Calum is being like a little dog following me everywhere and keeps saying stuff like I mean alot to him as if any of it matters. The fool.

My world isn't crumbling around me anymore. The tears are for other reasons. (and there are tears). It feels like its time for me to cry. Life is a reason to cry.

My nan's dieing.

remy. Cleared all his stuff in to a shoe box and have yet to look at it. I'll never see him again. It hurts so much but I'll not talk about it. Haven't yet. No ones asked. And bloke...dont ask now please.

Current Mood: reflecting
Current Music: No Doubt-Return of saturn